While according to national statistics 68% of all divorces are the result of financial issues; further statistics show that 7 out of every 10 men and 4 out of every 10 women admit to infidelity in their marriage. This paints an entirely dismal picture about the state of our unions in life where it seems that everything boils down to two things. Money and sex! It's no wonder that every day there are thousands of online searches asking the painful yet provocative question "is my husband cheating?" To be fair, there are probably just as many men asking the same thing! The truth, however obscured, is actually obvious.
The first sign that a spouse is cheating is the simple suspicions of their partner. If you are asking the question, more than likely you already know the answer. Obviously, some people are extremely paranoid, possessive, jealous and insecure and those types tend to accuse unnecessarily. At least at first. Eventually, their partner is 80 times more likely to cheat simply because they are being accused and punished for it anyways. They figure they might as well get some enjoyment out of the situation. Otherwise normal people can feel pretty certain that if they are suspicious and are asking the question; they are probably right. Women are especially keen at picking up on the small and subtle clues that scream infidelity. The pure disconnect in a couples energy can be picked up on easily by anyone who cares enough to pay attention. You can call it a gut feeling or a sneaking suspicion - the result is the same.
The next clue is obviously your partner's behavior. If they are suddenly working out more often, buying new clothes or have become re-interested in things like cologne or body sprays; chances are there is someone else they are trying to impress. Women cheaters may start buying sexy lingerie after wearing granny panties for the past 6 years. Curiously working late hours all of the sudden, spending more time after work with "friends" and sneaking out of the house at strange hours in order to make phone calls is another clue. If your spouse seems to hide their cell phone, block your access to their FaceBook or erases all email and text messages almost as soon as they come in, they are probably hiding something. The sad part is that many people spend endless hours trying to hack into their partner's computers or cell phones, tracing numbers and recording time spent talking on their wireless to try to prove something! This only serves to make you crazy and is a futile attempt to take control of something that has absolutely nothing to do with YOU. If your spouse is cheating, it is THEIR problem and choice; never something that YOU had any part of.
Other clues that can indicate infidelity in a marriage are oddly confusing. Lots of men and women will suddenly try to entice their partners sexually at all the wrong times just to make themselves feel warranted in their existential behavior. If you are cooking dinner with three kids at the table and your husband is suddenly hot and heavy (knowing you can do nothing about it at the time) suspect cheating. Bringing home expensive gifts or flowers or suddenly being more thoughtful than ever before, are other ways that cheaters try to ease their own conscious. If it hasn't been part of their normal routine for the past ten years, chances are they aren't finally getting wise now, they are just getting IT somewhere else now.
The biggest disappointment about infidelity is perhaps not the sex. Most couples after a decade of marriage can admit that the sex at home gets boring for both the man and the woman. The disappointment is the lying. Infidelity always includes lying. Luckily, if you are trying to catch your spouse cheating the lying is what will point you in the right direction. If the extramarital affair goes on long enough (years) you may eventually get the truth, but in the beginning asking, nagging, begging or demanding the truth does nothing but cause strife and fuel their reasons for cheating to begin with. Watch for body language, clues in their stories and even the way their friends behave around you. If they start accusing YOU of cheating when you both know the chance of that is absurd, they are only trying in vain to cover up their own fault.
Cheating happens. It happens for men and women who are married or otherwise. The bottom line is that any married person whose spouse is cheating deserves to have peace of mind and be able to hang on to his or her own personal integrity. If you want to spend an eternity searching for the truth, crying over something that you can't control or feeling worthless or distraught then that is entirely up to you. The best thing to do is stand your ground, remain oddly calm and direct in your sense of knowing and offer up the ultimatum! Either way you win. Either you get your partner back or you get out of a relationship that held nothing positive for you anyways.
About the Author: David Beart runs the Professors House. Our family based site covers everything from raising children to divorce advice, health and nutrition to pets and real estate.
Related Posts
-
Links
