I am going to take a different approach to child custody advice, maybe you will like it maybe you won’t, anyone can slap down their 10 top pieces of advice regarding child custody and 95% will all be the same, I do not think these will be a whole lot different than most, hopefully this advice will come from a different place and help you settle one of the worst times you and your child will go through.
Respond to what I have written, I dare you to respond honestly; you have to you owe it to your child.
- Ask your self; why am I fighting this? (What ever it may be) What benefit will my child and myself gain with me fighting over this with my ex? Now ask your self what other reason besides the good of my son or daughter welfare is this important? If it comes back to ill feelings for your ex, or wanting him/her to hurt like you do; STOP IT!
I have been there and know that sick, hopeless feeling you have, those angry feelings of betrayal, and of being let down, of being alone. It will get better but you have to start here and now by agreeing to a custody plan with your ex. You have to for your well being so you do not go crazy and your kid’s well being to start recovery.
- Ask yourself: do I want the court deciding my out come with no input from me? Well do you? That statement is a stretch because the courts want both parents active in their child’s life even if not in each other’s, but going to court over a custody dispute gives all say to the state, regarding which your child lives with, visits, where they live and so on. This does not make sense to me and I do not believe it does to the court either and it sure in the hell should not to you!
- If I could not be there when your little one needed me to be there, what would you do? Let him/her stay alone? Of course not, now how could you honestly want your child to live with you if you could not be there? I bet if your thinking straight you will agree?
- If he or she is cold and hungry are you going to say deal with it yourself? No your not, but if you cannot afford to support your child then this what you are asking him or her to do. Can you look them in the eye right now and ask them to do this?
- Do you take your kid’s down to the local drunks at 9:00am, drop’m off in the back where the pushers and users are; then after work pick them up from there knowing they were in a god-awful place? What kind of stupid question is that? You are asking me?? If you are addicted to drugs or alcohol, it’s a good question.
- If you have not been around and all of a sudden you want to be mommy or daddy, what is up with that? Do they even know you?
- If you cannot stand your ex, what they stand for, hate him/her for taking a breath of air, can you honestly accept and encourage your children to spend time with the other parent and not sabotage the relationship?
- What is your definition of abuse? Is it the same as the law? Do you come unglued to the point of no return, are people afraid of you, should they be? Is it all right to hit? Man that is a tough question to answer.. No it is not! Is it?.. We both know it should not be.
- Last question, is there anything more important than your child’s health, safety, well-being and happiness? Pardon me.. You said what, I could not hear you? No, nothing is more important, prove it to him or her! Hammer out a custody agreement with your ex.
Your heart may be heavy and your stomach has that sickening feeling and the only way to come back from where you are is to start here. This custody advice or these questions if you prefer are not new, the end to all ends or magic. This advice above comes straight from what each state basis a custody decision on, and that is a set of factors, these factors may slightly vary from state to state but not by much.
Here is a general list of factors:
1) Desires of each parent in regard to custody,
2) Choice of the child, if Minnesota court deems them to be old enough,
3) Who is the primary caretaker?
4) Closeness of each parent to the child;
5) Personal relationship and interaction with not only each parent but also any siblings or any person who greatly affects the child’s best interest;
6) Adjustment to home, school, and community;
7) The amount of time the child has lived in their current positive, stable environment and the ability to maintain the current environment,
How permanent will the existing home environment be?
9) Mental and physical health of all involved;
10) Ability and willingness of the parties involved to continue the mental and physical love and guidance, also continuing guidance regarding child’s culture, religion or creed,
11) History of violence regarding all parties involved;
12) Each parties willingness to allow and offer encouragement to the child to continue contact as much as possible.
If you compare my advice to the courts factors involving custody there is not any difference. The difference is the means to get to the decision. Both you and your ex as parents of your child can come up with a child custody plan that is best for everyone or the court will do it for you..
Connor Trautmann is impassioned regarding children and their well-being.
The first step to winning child custody is to understand what is involved
and needed to win custody of your child; it is not by picking the phone
up and calling the first lawyer on the page. Discover how this child
custody information System Child Custody Advice can save you $2,500 in attorney fees… and help
get full custody of your kids. Child Custody Advice
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